Doggie Dealbreaker

I love all animals.  Well....this blog is supposed to be 100% honest so... I'm not a huge fan of cats.  I know that sounds so hypocritical and it's hard to admit.  Besides being allergic (truly allergic, read on), I've somehow developed this idea that cats have the potential to be snobby, creepy, lurkers.  I think they are cute to look at and can definitely get involved with my friends' cat stories and share their love, but just can't totally get behind them.

That said, I LOVE DOGS.  I was raised with 1-2 dogs at all times...not the 'sleep in the bed with me' kind of way, but the 'we create voices for you, love you, and still talk about you years after you pass away like you were a sibling' kind of way. I love everything about dogs - their loyalty, their need to be loved by you, and the way they look at you with unconditional love and yearning for that ruffle of the ears. 

Last night, I was at the gym and happened to be working out by the door to the weight room.  The owner of the gym brings his yellow lab with him sometimes (don't even get me started on yellow labs) and I found myself staring into the eyes of this beautiful dog as I downward dogged.  The even weirder thing is that I felt JEALOUS that Jackson loves his owner so much that was happy just sitting on the other side of the glass, counting the moments until class was over and he came out to pet him.  Without going into how I apparently crave unconditional love, I can save the $175 therapy bill and come to the conclusion that I need a dog.

Here's the problem: my boyfriend doesn't.  Not only does he not NEEEEEED a dog like I do, but he doesn't want one.  He claims he is allergic, but after a recent conversation in front of his mom who was confused by this statement, I started to realize that he really just doesn't want one and it's easier to say 'I'm allergic' than potentially disappoint me by saying 'I just don't want a dog'.  Because he knows that I think people who don't love dogs are totally weird.  So in his opinion, we will never get a dog because the the pro/con list of having 80-lb rambunctious shedding object in the house vs. continuing life as is seems to be a no-brainer.

But I don't get it.  It's like that whole cold/hot temperature thing.  Yeah, I get that 'I can put on more clothes and you can't get naked' but neither of us would be comfortable so why does one win out over the other?  Okay, that may be a tough comparison.  I got it. 

I have a friend who is non-confrontational...not in the 'I'm soooo chill and hate conflict, pass me the bowl, live and let live' way.  The 'when situations arise, I'm going to be awkward and put you on ice and go MIA for a few weeks and never address it' way.  So someone like me, who is pretty black and white and likes to squash things quickly, non-emotionally, and while considering the other person's perspective but explaining my own before moving on, this is HELL. Moreso, it makes me so frustrated and think irrational thoughts like 'I don't need this person in my life anyway'.  The reason is because I like to get my thoughts out, not have unsettling conflict, and get back to being friends.  But if the other person hates conflict, they automatically win out.  Why is that?  Neither is better and both approaches are what make up a person, so why is the path of least resistance 'better'? 

Why is not getting a dog (the path of least resistance) the obvious winner over getting a dog? Because my boyfriend would have to deal with an extra body in the house, some hair, some barking here and there?  Well, I have to deal with not having an additional loving creature in their daily life despite wanting it every day....and in my opinion, we can take all the love we can get. I wish I could fast forward to 15 years from now when this yellow lab is such a part of our family that it's loss leaves more of a hole in our hearts than some family members. 

I'm still unsure about how to approach this...it's not a dealbreaker (like my dramatic title suggests) and I'm pretty sure that if I really laid it on thick, I could convince him.  But if that's the case, every rainy day would be an annoyance when the dog needs to get walked and every vet bill will be more of an annoyance than the 3-course meal we would have spent the same amount on.  I will have to think on this...and possibly learn how to produce big crocodile tears for when the conversation happens :)

Here we go...

 I never thought I would be a blogger. I can imagine everyone says, that but really...I NEVER thought I would be a blogger. It's not even like it was a big decision.  I was just on a long run in the park and realized that I have so many thoughts that swirl in my head these days and tend to hold things in.  Writing in a journal is still keeping thoughts to myself, so putting it out into the world carries a little more risk and helps one think through every word that is typed.  I truly don't imagine anyone actually reading this...partly because I likely won't tell anyone unless I have too many glasses of wine at the next Soulmate reunion (I'm looking at you, dark mouth). That said, I think it makes most sense to write in a tone as if I am speaking to someone...so lucky you, imaginary person...I'm talking to you.

I don't think anything I have to say is interesting or unique, but as I get older I feel like I get more confused.  Or maybe things are less simple and decisions have more implications than when I was younger. Either way, I have a lot of my mind right now.  I would imagine that I will post (is that what it's called?) a lot at the beginning and hopefully become less of a shit show as time goes on. 

I guess the easiest way to start is by saying hello.  My name is Casey.  I'm not really a middle name type person, despite the fact that this blog makes it seem that way.  Previously, I only really ever thought of my middle name when I had to put the K on official forms or when my first/last name was already taken as a username by someone else.  But for the past 7 years or so, I almost wish I went by a middle name because it's the name of someone that brings me more happiness than anyone in the world.  My niece Kendall is the most sensitive, pure soul and that little lady really just does it for me.  Don't get me wrong, I love my nephew and don't have favorites...but something about this sassy little girl that shares my name makes my heart swell.  I miss her when she was her 'cutest' at 2/3, love getting to know her personality at 7 while she is gaining her independence and figuring out her little place in her little world, and most importantly, look forward to sharing a glass of wine with her when she is 21 (okay...20...it's good for the heart). 

Anyway, here we go...